Prince Harry is still plagued by the pain of losing his mum, from the sound of horses’ hooves on the day of Princess Diana’s funeral to paparazzi chases when he was a kid in the back of a car.

Harry says in a recent TV documentary series that the terror of losing his wife Meghan was one of the key reasons the pair abandoned their royal duties and moved to California last year, detailing how he struggled to cope with his mother’s disappearance for more than a decade.

“When my mother was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t white, she was pushed to her grave, and now look what’s happened. Are you implying that history will repeat itself? In the mental health television series “The Me You Can’t See,” Harry says, “They’re not going to stop until she dies.”

He continued, “It’s profoundly triggering to lose another woman in my life.” He was referring to Meghan. On Friday, the “Me You Can’t See” episode, which Harry co-produced with American talk show host Oprah Winfrey, will be available on Apple TV+.

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Princess Diana died in a traffic accident in Paris in 1997 at the age of 36, after paparazzi pursued her and her Egyptian-born boyfriend Dodi Fayed. Harry was 12 years old at the time.

Harry, whose American wife Meghan is bi-racial, spoke out about biased stories in the British press and social media threats directed towards his wife. When Meghan was pregnant with their first son Archie, she said her time in Britain drove her to consider suicide.

Harry said in the documentary that he and his brother William, father Prince Charles, and uncle Charles Spencer walked behind Diana’s coffin along the streets of London.

“The sound of the horses’ hooves running down the Mall was the thing I recall most,” he added. Years before, he remembered sitting in the back of his mother’s car as she was chased by reporters in tears.

Harry said he hid his emotions, but in his 20s he drank heavily and had panic attacks and paranoia, and he always gets nervous when he sees cameras.

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He said, “I was so furious at what happened to her (Diana) and the fact that there was no accountability at all… the same people who pursued her into the tunnel photographed her dying in the back seat of the car.”

“The sound of cameras clicking and flashing makes my blood burn. It irritates me. It reminds me of what happened to my mother and what I went through as a child.”

And at 36, he admits that going to London makes him feel nervous and hunted.

When Harry met Meghan almost five years ago, he began intensive counselling, he added.